Bare Nervosa
by iloveromance
Summary: A romantic and funny retelling of the infamous "Naked at Nervosa" scene from "Murder Most Maris"


Roz stood at the counter, facing the Café Nervosa baristas. Try as she might, she couldn't bring herself to turn around for fear of what she might see.

Niles had completely lost his mind.

Moments ago, right before her eyes, in what could only be called pure insanity; he had removed his tie... his shirt... his pants...

She forced the horrible thought from her mind as she dialed the familiar number on her phone, completely forgetting that she had the number on speed dial.

The way her hand was trembling, it was a miracle that she could function at all!

When the ringing stopped, she sighed with relief;

"Frasier, it's Roz. I-."

Her anxiety increased when she realized that she'd gotten his voice mail.

Seconds later when his incredibly annoying and sappy greeting was finished, she began to talk incessantly.

"Frasier, it's Roz. I know you just left Café Nervosa but you've got to come back! Niles has gone totally berserk and took his clothes off right in front of everyone! And now..."

She closed her eyes and slowly turned around and...

Oh God... this was worse than she thought.

"Frasier, he's completely _naked_!"

She hung up the phone hesitantly walked toward him.

He sat at his favorite corner table reading _The Seattle Times _wearing a grin... and nothing else.

She made a mental note to send the paper a huge donation in gratitude for concealing what she certainly didn't want to see.

"Niles? Are you all right?"

"I'm just fine! How are you?"

"Well... I'm _dressed_ for one thing." Roz answered.

He scoffed. "Clothes are so _conforming_, don't you think? Too tight... I'd much rather be free!"

She cringed, even more grateful for the newspaper blocking her view. Without hesitation, she took her cell phone from her purse and leaned closer to Niles, who, on instinct, pulled the paper toward him.

When he began to fold the edge toward him, she panicked.

"No!" Just stay perfectly still! I want to see something!"

"I have the sports page right here. I think the Seahawks have a good chance at getting into the World Series and-."

"NO!" She said even louder. "Just hold still!"

He watched her in confusion while she began writing down the number that was printed on the front page.

Then she opened her phone and dialed. "Yes, I'd like to order a subscription." She said.

As the sales rep asked her question after question, she looked out the window and gasped.

_Oh damn..._

To her relief, she caught up with her friend just as she reached the door.

"Daphne, thank God!" she said, rushing to shield Niles from his wife's view.

"Roz! How nice to see you!" Daphne said cheerfully.

"Oh, it's good to see you too, Daphne. What are you doing here?"

"Just here to pick up some beans for Frasier."

"NO!"

Roz stepped in front of Daphne, blocking her friend's attempt to enter the café.

"Y-you _can't_! I-I mean... They're out of... beans."

Daphne looked at Roz in disbelief. "What? Roz, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! How is it possible for a _coffee shop_ to be out of _bloody beans_?"

Angrily, she began to push her way into the café. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were tryin'-."

She gasped when she caught a glimpse of her husband who sat casually at the table reading the newspaper.

Slowly she moved closer, never taking her eyes off of him.

"Niles?"

He looked up from his paper and grinned. "Hey!"

"Niles... What happened? Why are you..."

"Naked?" He grinned.

She swallowed hard and looked around the café, praying that no one was watching.

"Um... yes."

He sighed dramatically. "Clothes are so conforming, aren't they Roz?"

Roz nodded absently.

"Sure, Niles. Um... look... I need to leave."

Niles rose to shake her hand, causing her to jump back in surprise.

"Roz, where are his clothes?"

Roz was only slightly aware that Daphne was speaking to her.

"What?"

"His _clothes,_ Roz! Where are they?"

"Oh... There they are." Roz replied, pointing to the floor where Niles' shirt, pants, tie and other items lay. "Nice seeing you Daphne. Goodbye!"

"Roz, wait! Don't leave!" Daphne called to her friend. "Can't you stay with him for a minute? I'll be right back!"

But it was too late.

With a sigh, Daphne watched as Roz hurried out of Café Nervosa and disappeared out of sight.

* * *

><p>Her heart racing, Daphne entered the nearby men's clothing store that Niles liked so much.<p>

The moment she entered the store, she saw the sales associate's eyes light up.

"Mrs. Crane! What a nice surprise!"

She smiled nervously. "Hello, Jeffrey. I'm looking for-."

"Let me guess... Dr. Crane needs new shows, yes?"

"Um... no. Not shoes... just..."

"Ah! You're looking for something special!" Jeffery said with excitement. I have just the thing. Come right this way, Mrs. Crane."

When he headed for a rack of suits that were outrageously expensive, she slipped past him and crossed the expansive area until she found what she was looking for.

"This will do nicely." She said, holding up a blue terrycloth robe that was on sale.

"Yes! That is... oh..."

Jeffery's smile disappeared, replaced by a look of disgust. How dare he turn his nose up at her taste in clothing! No wonder Niles and Frasier liked this place so much! The man was a complete snob!

When she glared at Jeffery, his smile returned and he took the robe from her, removing the hanger and draping the robe across his arm.

"Excellent choice! Dr. Crane will love it, no?"

"Well, it doesn't really matter, but-."

"Of course it does!" He said. "Now, I'll just wrap this up and you can give it to Dr. Crane."

Then a sigh... "Ah... I just love when people give gifts from my store for no reason."

"Actually there's no need to wrap it. I'll just pay for it now. I... I want to give it to him right away!" Daphne said. She handed him her credit cared, silently urging him to ring up the transaction as fast as possible.

"Thank you." She said taking the bag from him before he had a chance to speak.

* * *

><p>In record time, she returned to Café Nervosa, relived to find Niles in the same spot, still reading the newspaper.<p>

"H-hello Darling." She said nervously. She could see the baristas and patrons watching her with anxious stares.

He looked up and smiled. "Hey, Daph-ne!"

"Um... Niles? I ..."

She blinked when she noticed him staring at her in bafflement.

"Something wrong, Darling?"

"You look... bigger." He observed. "Have you gained weight?"

She looked down at her pregnant stomach and smiled. "Actually I've gained quite a bit of weight."

"Wow!" Niles replied.

"Well, it wasn't all my doing. I did have some help!"

"Really?"

She blushed deeply. "Yes... Now you look a little... Well, I think we should just get you home."

"That's a wonderful idea!" He said eagerly. When he rose from the bench, gasps and protests could be heard from the patrons.

As quickly as possible Daphne walked toward her husband, taking great care to shield him with her huge stomach as she handed him the bag.

"What's this?" He asked, peering inside.

"I-I bought you a present."

"But why? It's not my birthday."

This brought laughter from the patrons who had boldly remained in their seats.

"Might as well be!" one of the patrons yelled. "He's wearing his birthday suit!"

When the laughter grew louder, Daphne's blood began to boil, causing her to turn around.

"Bloody hell! Can't you see he's upset? Just leave him alone!"

Her outburst caused the café to fall silent.

Smiling with satisfaction, she returned her gaze to Niles where she found him admiring the robe by caressing the soft terrycloth against his cheek.

"Do you like it, Darling?"

He took her hand and kissed it. "It's wonderful, my angel."

She sighed at his affectionate name for her. "Would you like to try it on?"

"Of course, but you never told me why-."

"Why _what_? Oh! Why I bought you a gift?" She smiled as she looked into his deep blue eyes.

"That's simple my darling. Because I love you."

Daringly she sat down next to him, trying her best to make sure that the newspaper stayed in tact.

"I love you too." He said leaning over to kiss her. She couldn't help but notice how soft and sexy his shoulder was, but quickly pushed the thought from her mind.

"Now, let's see how this looks on you."

She took the robe from him and sighed with relief when he slipped it on and cinched the belt tightly.

Grasping his hand in hers, she coaxed him off the bench and smiled at him admiringly. Then she looked around the café, no longer caring what anyone thought.

And finally she took him in her arms and kissed him deeply.

"You look extremely handsome." She whispered into his ear.

When he laughed, the sound was like that of a little boy's laughter.

Come on, Darling. Let's go home."

Without a glance or even a word, they walked hand in hand out of the café, lost in each other's eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>Later at the<em> Montana<em>**

"Here we are, Darling. Just step into this nice hot shower and then you can put on some comfortable pajamas."

He took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. "But my love, I can't possibly go to sleep now! I'd much rather be sharing this shower with an angel."

She smiled and kissed him once more. "I'd love to comply, but I'm afraid I'm much too big right now. Perhaps after the baby is born."

He gave her a sad frown. "Please?"

"Now I'll leave you alone so that you can enjoy your shower and when you get out, I'll help you get dressed."

His eyes lit up at the thought. "Oh, Mama!"

When he attempted to kiss her, she touched her forehead to his. "Go on! Get in there before the water gets cold! I'll see you later!"

When she closed the door to give him some privacy, she could hear him singing to his heart's content.

As soon as she reached the living room, Frasier and Martin stood to greet her.

"How's he doing?" Frasier asked worriedly.

"Oh, I've sent him to the shower and when he's done, I'm putting him straight to bed."

"He could certainly use the rest. He's been through hell today." Martin said.

"So do you, Daphne." Frasier said. "Don't forget about that wonderful life that's growing inside of you."

Daphne smiled and grasped his hand. "I could never forget." She said, patting her stomach. "But thank you, Frasier."

"That goes double for me." Martin said. "I don't want anything to happen to my grandson."

"Or granddaughter." Frasier added.

Daphne hugged Martin. "I promise to take good care of him... or her."  
>"Now... You should probably go upstairs and take care of that husband of yours." Frasier said.<p>

"Thank you so much for coming." Daphne said, hugging them when they rose to leave.

Alone in the living room, she hurried upstairs to check on Niles. She'd been away from him for much longer than she intended and the realization made her worry.

"Niles?"

As she reached the bedroom, she ran inside to check on him. He was probably waterlogged by now.

In the doorway, she froze, smiling at what she found. Wearing his new robe, he sat on the wooden bench in the corner, his head against the wall, sleeping softly.

"Oh Niles..."

Quietly she went to him, coaxing him to his feet. After drying him off she put her arm around him and led him to the bedroom where she helped him change into his pajamas.

"Come on, Sweetheart." She whispered as he eagerly climbed into bed.

With a smile she tucked him in and kissed his cheek.

"Goodnight, Niles."

"Goodnight, my angel." He murmured mere seconds before falling asleep.

His words warmed her heart and she watched him for several minutes, wondering how she'd gotten so lucky.

He'd been through so much since finding out that Maris was arrested for murder. They both had, but especially Niles.

He was such a wonderful person; a kind, sweet, generous man with a heart that was bigger than any she'd ever known. And it saddened her to see him completely stressed out.

"I love you, Darling."

She knew it was going to take time for him to get used to the idea that Maris was in jail. Actually Daphne had a hard time believing it herself.

But none of that mattered right now.

She went to her closet and changed into some comfortable sweats and a sweatshirt, returning to his side in mere minutes.

And then as quietly as possible, she climbed into bed and snuggled next to him; sighing when she felt the warmth of his body.

Tomorrow was sure to bring yet another media frenzy; made more exciting by Niles emotional breakdown at Café Nervosa.

But tonight it was just the three of them; Niles, Daphne and their child, who had yet to make an appearance in the world.

And as she drifted off to sleep in Niles' arms, she dreamed of the wonderful future they would share.

**THE END**


End file.
